You may find going out and shining in limelight extremely cool and it feeds your ego better than anything. But when one by one, the people who loved you for your soul, disappear, you can cry tears that are saltier than any sea. And believe me, when you show no love and only expect it to come to you, then they will disappear.
Some people just use you. They call and say "I'm sooooooooooooooooo bored, let's go out and do something.
And then there are people who call to say: "I'm having sooooooooooo much fun, come and join me!"
Unfortunately, there aren't many people who act like that.
Still, there are some, and these are the people who love you. These are my friends.
I will never forget how my older sister had a birthday some years ago and it was gonna be so much fun. First we were at her place and got drunk. I was really enjoying the night, but at the same time I felt very sorry for my friend who was just sitting at home. I really cared for her so much and I just purely, from my heart, wanted her to have some fun.
So I talked to my sister about having her with us and my sister was lovely as usual, but still, she wasn't exactly thrilled, coz you know... it was her birthday and everything. She wanted to have me with her that night.
Nevertheless, I called my friend and told her to meet us later at a rock club to dance and drink with us.
I didn't regret my decision. We had tons of fun, and in the end we went to some other clubs too, just the two of us. And some really life changing things happened, mainly for her.
It was one of the moments that I'm really proud of. And I feel happy about it. And I don't know... I'd just like to say that things like this pay off. You feel good, the other person feels good. Life is a better place.
Me and L were discussing one night, how difficult it is to find people who really care for you. They can say they care. They can even mean it. But they don't act like it.
And in the end, what they said or meant, becomes a lie.
A lie that kind of hurts. Kind of makes you angry. But most of all, makes you feel used.
Makes you feel like you are... like a mirror in somebody else's purse. A mirror that tells them they are gorgeous. And that's all.
You may feel like there was a lot of drama around who cares about who, but in the end, the drama queen herself, didn't look into her soul. Didn't think that for once, she could, with no prejudice, do something for you. To show that this time she isn't criticizing, she is actually doing something for you. Just purely, because she wants to make the first step towards being a better person. Not wait for other to love her for what she is.
Because it may be, she is not much.
My lovely F always gives good advice. His advice has been that friendships like that should be demolished. And there is no point in keeping them.
Still, I have faith in good friendships. I can say, I really have great great great friends. They don't fuck me. They don't shit me. They are normal, good people. Awesome, humble, exciting, funny, smart, wonderful friends.
And I never want to lose the hope, that my friendships means as much to them as it means to me.
And in this vanity fair, they don't forget that I may be the one who, 6o years from now, comes to help them return books to library or go to cemetery together to plant flowers of the graves of our loved ones.
I hope in this world on vanity, my friends don't forget it's the soul that matters.
And if my soul is nothing to you, then by all means - don't ever bother to give me reasons to care for you. And don't ask for it either.
And now something completely random, to make you feel happy :D
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