Blonde Mafia Ganja Island

After the plane took off I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, I saw clouds beneath me, thick like a Persian carpet, and the rising sun painted everything so golden, so holy, so free and liberating. It was like the most beautiful view on Earth. Well, okay, there was no Earth involved, but still. I've never seen anything more beautiful.
I felt a lot better. I felt it was more like a beginning, not an end as our silent tears had whispered before. You don't know, I felt so much better at that moment, I wish you had experienced it too because every time I pictured your sad face taking that tiny note under the trophy, I felt an ache in my heart.
I don't know why it hurt so much this time. Maybe, maybe, maybe...?

I liked all the silly little things that made leaving so difficult. Made being without you so hard.
Do you remember (of course you do!) how we were having the dinner on the first night in Algarve and you told me about the channel that always showed porn from midnight to 2 am when you were younger and how every episode was dubbed in Spanish? And then you did this extremely funny impression, saying: "Oh shhiii carino! Ohh shiii! Mas fuerte!" and I laughed so so hard I had tears in my eyes. An older waited glanced at me once or twice and tried to hide his smirk. And then we found out the family eating behind us was Spanish! :D :D
It was so embarrassing. The father was sitting right behind me. His chair almost touched mine.
The next day we went to sunbathe by the swimming pool and continued with the "Oh shhhiii carino!" and dum dee damn, the Spanish family was bathing right next to us and we hadn't noticed before. They must've thought we're complete idiots. :D It still makes me laugh when I think of it. :D

They always say it's great to go traveling and then come back home with so many new emotions. Well, I feel the same. There are so many jokes that I can't wait to share with my friends back home. And there are memories which will make me smile when I walk alone in the city or cut tomatoes for a sandwich.
Duas tostas mistas nao quero tomate :) I hope you haven't forgotten my accent. As I told you, the key to speaking Portuguese is to put "sh" everywhere and vaguely mumble all the word endings which you are not sure of.
Actually, I was happy to find out I understood more and more every day - small talk and every day conversations were not difficult to understand. One day I hope to speak to B and F and everybody else, without you having to translate. Although I enjoy seeing you struggle. :)
You English is getting better and better with every day. I am so proud of you!

One plane after the other, I flew from Frankfurt to Tallinn. Remember the canoeing team in Porto airport? They sat near to me in Frankfurt the whole 4 hours.
To my surprise I felt calm and happy. Some part of my new home was still with me. I managed to read my book and breathe normally. It was comforting to hear them speak and laugh. The language which once reminded me of speaking with an egg in the mouth and saying "sh" as much as possible, has now become something I really like, something that brings a smile on my face when I hear it. Well, that's life. I found out a long time ago that "never say never" is one of the best sayings there is.
Suddenly they all got up and left. That's when I panicked. I started looking for the bracelet and I realized I left it in the last airport. I couldn't breathe.
I sms'd you and you didn't reply. I understood you're never gonna be closer than that anymore. Never closer than a sms. At least that's what it felt like.
I stood up and went on the next plane. Still no sms. And it hit me - you were gone from my life.

Then I flew over the Main river. Oh how I love river views. I fell in love with them in Paris and all over again in Porto. I felt so happy the day we were there, on the bridge, taking pics and enjoying the view. And you translated that somebody behind us said: "Uff... let's go, these people are sleeping in here". But that's us! :D Always wandering somewhere very slowly, enjoying every second the man sitting on a white cloud with a big white beard, has given us. And on that day we enjoyed it 100%. Actually, now that I'm looking back at it, I'm damn lucky I didn't get a diarrhea from that seafood salad. Those shrimps were as gray as Louis Armstrong's tires after Tour de France.
The best memories are from the times we drove around. I like driving with you and listening to music.
Ahaha, do you remember that guy, on our last day together, driving his bicycle next to our car? He had a pocket on the back of his shirt and there was a banana inside of it. I was thinking of opening the window and grabbing the banana. I wonder if maybe he would have come after me, 90km/h and hit me with an air pump. You never know these crazy sportsmen.
Speaking of sport, our badminton tournament sucked. I totally blame you. :) Get your act together, or the record will stay at 8 forever.
I gotta admit, our 4 legged team members where awesome though! :)
Another thing I liked were the lemon trees in your garden. Real trees with real lemons! It looked so awesome. :D
That's what life's all about. Little, simple things.
No Dolce & Gabbana for us. No getting respect with labels and money. We get respect for being who we are. And I'm very pleased with who we are. We compliment each other. :) Isn't it a beautiful thing?

What can I say? I can't hope you to like this humble response to your heartful letter. But I do hope some parts of it make you laugh and remember all the fun we had.
Every time I see a beach now, I remember R laying in the sun, tanned and happy, looking to me and apologizing for not being able to speak in English and then turning his eyes to the sky and saying in a dreamy voice: "The sky is blue... and Benfica is red."
:))))))
I'm a true Porto supporter thanks to you, though. :) I will knit some blue diapers for your first son. F segundo. :)

Oh yeah, Geres, wasn't that a lovely weekend spent in there? Exactly the kind of vacation we were in need of after all these exams and worries. I liked the night in front of the hotel, after the fair in the park, and we were trying to remember that moment forever with out 5 senses (sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste).
Please help me with that one now, my memory is oh so bad. We saw... the street in front of us, cars slowly passing, people walking, and that lonely dog sniffing around the corners. We heard bagpipes and medieval music being played at the fair. We held hands. And it smelled like... oh, help me with these last two.... it smelled like a warm night and bread or something, right? And it tasted like espresso we had drank before the fair?
It was a night I wanted to remember. :)

To be honest, we didn't do anything special in Geres. For people who hunger for exciting stories at home, I have nothing to tell. But it was so good. :) Eating 4 times a day, sunbathing and sleeping a lot. And it was cool when we went to the spa. Vichy massage rocks! Neither us could swallow properly after it though. :D Damn uncomfortable massage beds.
I gained a lot of weight during the weekend in Geres, but as we say in Estonia - fat child, beautiful child.
It makes me burst out laughing when I think about how we met after changing clothes in the locker room and you had managed to hit your head really bad, there was quite a big scar on your forhead and I had accidentally pulled down the shower curtain. XD
It seems like we are 2 losers when we are apart. Every spa should be afraid of us. :D

We had plenty of action too though, for instance when we went to Super Rock Super Bock festival. Seeing Nouvelle Vague live has been my dream for ages and now it finally happened. It was so great to be there with you because since I first sent you my favourite track "Dance With Me", you've been a fan too. I know you want it to be our song, but it just doesn't feel right. It's more like my own personal anthem. But don't worry, one day we will find something that characterizes our friendship and love. :)
The festival itself was great! We drank beer and played games they had on the festival grounds. And when we had drank enough Peter Bjorn and John came on the stage. :) You kept repeating their names and I laughed like a maniac. :D For some reason it sounded like the funniest thing in the world. Peterbjornandjohn :)
We drank more and more and started singing louder and louder:

"...and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about our own folks
talkin' 'bout our own stuff
all we care about is talking
talking only me and you "

We didn't understand the lyrics anymore so we just sung BLANANANANLAAMKUKAKILLLLLUUUUUNANANANNANANA" really really loud and tried to look serious. Some people were looking at us really weird. :D
You beat me in the loudness of course, but as you told me: In Portugal, who talks louder is the king! :D I liked the irony in that. We both rather dislike people who shout just to make their point clear.
You were so funny and careless and I thought you were the best person to go to festivals ever!
We didn't care about the young folks, we didn't care about the old folks. :)

And then, the funniest part was when during the Nouvelle Vague concert the singer wanted us to shout "fuck" while she was singing "Too Drunk To Fuck" and you, for some reason got it wrong, and while everybody else shouted "Fuck!", you yelled with a really loud voice: POOOOOORRTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Jeez, it still makes me wet my pants. XD It was the funniest thing ever! XD XD XD Like you were some sort of a crazy football maniac who doesn't care what festivals and concerts are about, and just goes and yells POOORTTTOOO everywhere. XDXDXD ahahahha

After the festival we were walking to the car and I suddenly had this urge to make the moment last longer and I asked you to sit with me on the grass, under somebody's balcony just next to the street. :D And that we did. I love how you always agree with all sorts of silly things. :) We sat behind some bushes, under a tree and just enjoyed the night a little bit longer. The people passing by looked surprised. :)
"it doesn't matter what we do
where we are going to
we can stick around and see this night through
and we don't care about the young folks ... "
:)

But hey, the tune of the month is of course "Uma Casa Portuguesa"! :) I learned the chorus, which isn't so difficult, it goes like this:

"� uma casa portuguesa, com certeza!
�, com certeza, uma casa portuguesa!"

And then we sang it basically everywhere. Mostly in the car. :D I liked the thing we did with the hand, up and down. And of course the very enthusiastic clapping :D, not to mention the "untsat untsat untsat" part :DDDDD I swear, I will remember it forever. It's one of those moments when our guardian angels smiled, because they knew two soulmates had met. :) Although I'm pretty sure they had hands on their ears when I sung under the shower. :D

We had even more action when we went to club Sasha on the opening night. I couldn't believe you and B managed to get the invitations! 3000 people? 4000? Standing in the queue was horrible! I can't believe they make girls in high heels and make up stand in a queue for more than a hour!
It surprised me that there were hella people in there and nobody was dancing, but nothing stops me and I started dancing pretty soon. I was so happy you did the same! :) Don't you agree it was one of the best club nights ever? The music wasn't the best, the people weren't the best, but you were. :)
Thanks to ignorant Portuguese (soz soz :) ) I managed to get to the first row! Pedro Cazanova yeeeehaaa! :) For me it meant a lot! :) And when at one point I went to the toilet, I was like going up the stairs and some women behind me were like softly supporting my back so I wouldnt fall down. :D It's something that would never happen in Estonia. Okay, there might be some extra enthusiastical people from little towns, but nobody from the capital is that friendly.
All that, and your company, made me dance until 6 in the morning. Boy, was I drunk when we got to the hotel. XD I can't believe you took off my earrings when I passed out. Sometimes I don't understand where you get your ideas. You are a person like nobody else.

It was also so cute to do simple things like taking a walk with the dog. Nik was so happy. :D And I wore the white dress. :) I don't know which of them made you happy, but you were smiling all the time too. :) It was so hot outside on that day. The streets were empty, nobody in the gardens. It looked like a haunted village. :) Only the sun grilling our hair and hot asphalt.
Some Portuguese emo had written on the wall: "the dead is only the beginning". :)))))
But it was a really nice day. Nik peed six hundred and seventy eight times. I saw where you played football as a little boy.
I wish I could go back to that day every time I feel bad or sad or tired in my life. I would go back to that day and feel the sun on my bare shoulders.

Oh and how could I ever finish this letter without mentioning the shrimps? Those moments behind that restaurant table, were our own personal bits of heaven. And although most of the times I gave up after a few, to leave room for all those different kinds of meat, I liked, no, I loved how you tried to clean and share them equally but still ended up giving me 2 in a row and always the biggest. :)
I don't know if I ever thanked you enough for everything. It gets kinda lame when I try to show my gratitude and the truth is that I just can't find words. But you know what I mean. I've seen you struggle with words too. :)
It doesn't really matter at all. Like on that night we came from the waterpipe place and then sat in your backyard and watched the stars. No words were needed. Everything was written in the sky. We only had to read.

I wish the plane hadn't landed. Getting home was awful. Driving on the highway, cars passing. People inside of them plain looking and tired. Babyblue eyes.
My apartment. Setting sun. No wind. Everything stood where I had left it. White corridor floor.
I panicked. Air left my lungs. I fell on my knees. I lived through the first panic attack of my life. I hope the second one will never follow.
I think you heard the fear in my voice. I thought I would be embarrassed later. But I'm not. I know what I felt and it was real.
It was real and it still is.
Now I know why people have memories. So that I could remember those lion eyes when I last enjoyed your presence.


I have nobody else, but you, to thank for all these moments and smiles throughout that month. I liked the calm rhythm of every day. Relaxing and peaceful. Like a piano sonata played perfectly. Feathery touches on cold piano keys. Music so beautiful your eyes fill up with tears.
And when we said our goodbyes, a startling end, waking up from a dream to understand the music has stopped.
I can't believe I really have a person like you in my life. Although they say that people who have meant the most to you, in past lives and such, will, in the end, find a way to you.

And our way... our way was paved with cobblestones. :)


Yours truly,

Blonde Mafia