Blonde Mafia Ganja Island

For so many many many times. Countless really. Have I opened the door of my room and been sucked into the darkness like a homeless soul. My hair has become one with the fierce orange flames kissing my curtains. Black snakes have crawled over the lampshades to dance in unison with my weak hands.
How many times have I thought over and over and over again: what did I do wrong? Do I deserve all this? Why am I so unhappy? What is the meaning of life anyway. Does the world need me?
The snakes have become one with my arms, the blackness has made its home in my eyes.
I didn't wait for it to pass, it felt so me. My destiny, the way I am. When somebody asked about how my life has been, my answer would be quite negative.
Do you feel me?

Tonight I cleaned the kitchen. Washed the dishes, cleaned the counters. Threw garbage out.
I will talk myself into sleep soon.
I will wake up at 8 am. I will take a shower, pack my laptop and head to university.

When I open the door to my room I will see sun dying it yellow. Birds will sing behind the window, on the blossoming treetops.

I am breathing peacefully.
My hands are warm.

I feel inspired to live. To try new things. To do the things I like.
And I don't need anything anymore.
'Coz I've got it all.

I talked to a very very good friend about life and the way things happen and what they lead to. My friend said that his life has always been super, it keeps getting better and better and he doesn't know who to thank.
Listening to somebody saying something like that made me .... made me speechless really. I know for sure his heart has been broken in the past. Not only good things have happened to him. He didn't get to travel and live in the country he dreamed about. He has not passed all his exams in first tries. All the things that get most of people down. I'm sure they got him down too. But unlike most of the people, he didn't find them worthy to mention while discussing the bigger picture of his life.
He says that his life has been amazing. These negative things were nothing.
And I feel so much respect, I feel so emotional. That is a good person who says things like these. This is a truly pure heart.
I know, we all have still a lot to learn, but isn't it the most beautiful thing in the world to be thankful for the things that have made you smile? To set those things in front and almost erase the things which got you down. I'm not speaking about erasing the memories. Of course not. You need both - the good and the bad ones to grow as a person. But to be grateful for rather the good ones...
It may seem so simple. So very very simple. But for me it is an honor and joy to hear somebody talking about his life in that way. To say that you would wish you knew who to thank for your life.
I wish this was the kind of person I was. It gives me inspiration to know that people like that really exist.

Tonight I will go to sleep, knowing that I have all the things that I want. And I wish I could knew who to thank for them.

:) hugs my loved ones

Blind - Mega Bass