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  1. 6th of May

    Monday, 5 May 2008

    Okay, I just had to post.
    It's the 6th of may.

    7 months have passed.
    I'm almost over it. Yeah, I can live normally.
    7 months.

    Don't EVER repeat what one of my friends once carelessy threw at me: You'll forget it by next week.
    Never.
    I'm S.


    And I just have to add, I'm gonna freakin' win THIS battle totally one day. Thoroughly.
    In october it was called The Battle of Estonia.
    let's have another ending this time. Let's end it like this: The Battle In Which I'm Better.
    Fuck yeah.


    Please cry for me, heartbreaker.

    :)

    CIAO CIAO CIAO CIAO CIAO CIAO CIAO

    I am smiling. I AM SMILING!
    I feel so freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

    my loves, my dear sweet ones...if you'd only know...that I didn't believe I would make it. But I did. And I am proud.
    I am smiling. 7 months later and I am smiling. I really can smile if I want to. :)
    I feel stronger. And older. I feel very many things. I feel I can handle everything now.

    Thank you WW, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
    Do you remember that night in December. In the middle of the night. Almost morning. I called you.
    I couldn't breathe. Do you remember?
    You helped me breathe.
    Thank you.

    I still feel what I felt then, because I have this inside of me. That particular feeling I had that night.
    But it's not a bad thing. It's good that I never completely lose those emotions.
    The main thing is that they don't disturb me anymore.

    I just want to tell the world, this part of the world that maybe did not understand:

    It was real. It was really real what I felt. That pain. And it killed me. All the time little parts of me died and died and died and died.

    And now it is just so incredible for me. I can sit here. During the night. And I don't feel sad. I can feel sad if I want. But I don't have that horrible sadness inside of me.
    It is amazing.
    Because it lasted for so long. And every single, EVERY S I N G L E night I felt it. And day. It wasnt better in the daytime.
    I don't know if you understand how amazing it is for me, to just sit and feel nothing. :) I can read a book or eat chocolate. I can do those things. And think about tomorrow. :)

    I still feel bad sometimes. Dont get me wrong. I still do. And I feel sad.
    But it's not like THAT anymore..like it was before. Now it's normal. Like normal thing. Normal sadness.

    I really wanted to make this post longer than just 1 sentence because it was a horrible experience and now...finally...

    I can call it over.

    Over.

    Let's see what life brings for Blonde-Mafia now.

    Posted by Unknown at 14:50 | |

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