If...
I would be in a little cottage in the middle of the forest and it would be snowing. Then I would go out naked and roll on the ground.
But it's not. So I'll continue drinking hot chocolate.
ps. Tonight I was told, word by word:
"u are so beautiful that sometimes i think...oh god no, she cant be real... "
Things like that can be so lame. But this wasn't. First it made me go awww, and then I thought...thank god for people who are nice to eachother. And nice to me. I apprecciate them. Sometimes too much...sometimes too little.
So you see....I don't know how to recieve or make compliments the right way.
I read an article that said: Don't be reckless with other people's hearts...don't put up with those who are reckless with yours.
I think it is 100% true. But for me...it's also difficult to do. I mean...not putting up with people who are reckless with my heart. There aren't many. I hope there wont come more.
On the other hand, I can't say that I am never reckless with others hearts. Probably I am ... everyday. At least I feel bad every single time I don't have time for somebody. I don't say anything. But I feel shit. It makes me angry too. Goddamnit, if I dont have time then I dont have time. But still. I'm a shitty person.
Most of the time I feel I annoy others...and Im this little piece of crap. I feel I want to say it out. But when I do...then I also feel that I shouldn't have done it because...I am not a piece of crap. I am super and I should act like I know it. I'm not a shitty person at all. I know it. Hey come on, most the people are NEVER as nice as I am. But I think....if u think like that...then it means you obviously are not a nice person at all. Be humble, damnit. Lil' fucker.
So you see...I don't know how to act.
How to manage with stuff like relationships with others? Sometimes I feel I'm tired of them...everything seems pointless and too hard to cope with.
Actually the easiest thing to do ist just to..you know..delete everything you have. Delete your friends, your memories. Start again. Lose the fucking computer. Throw your mobile in the nearby pond or something. And then just start again.
But it's also the hardest thing to do.
So you see...I dont know what to do.
I think writing diaries and such is lame. You write and feel ashamed later for making people throw up because of your over emotional writings.
Wonderwoman, my close friend :), said tonight that blogs are SUPPOSED to make people puke. Blogs are like carpets that have been covered with different kinds of digested food over the years.
Shit, my carpet looks dirty. I should vacum it. Or then again...somebody else should do it. *cheesy smile*
Me and WW also thought up a new word. Nah, I didn't have anything to do with it actually. SHE came up with it all by herself (that greedy bastard). So here it comes:
BLONG
...it means.... a tall blonde who is writing blogs.
God bless the spelling mistakes we do on messenger.
I mentioned God a number of times.
Backwards it's doG.
I love dogs. I have 2.
Ahaha, I just showed you the easiest way how to ignore speaking about God and how to change the subject with just 3 words (plus an apostrophe and a "s") . :D
I don't wanna talk about ww too much, because then it's more like...a blog written by me..about ww's great ideas. But, I have to mention what she said to me earlier. I mentioned her that I don't feel good about people reading what I write and that she is the only one who doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. And she said something in the lines of...don't worry...everbody is busy with themselves...and those who have time to delve into what you write...those are the ones who are worth writing for.
Some people write for others. I don't.
I would feel better if no-one read it. I just feel good when I can write write write and I don't have to think about the consequences. Or what others think. Or how many spelling mistakes I made.
I write complete nonsence. Something that doesn't really have a proper beginning nor an end.
Nah, I just lied. I do write for somebody. But it's more like...something ...mmm....something that you can not see, you know? Somebody who doesn't have an actual body. Somebody.....some body. :D
Reminded me of a song...something 'bout your body..got me thinkin' of your body...lala
Tom Novy Feat Michael Marshall - Your Body (Andy Van Remix)
Anyway, I really feel that somebody is thinking with me, when I write. It's a woman for some reason. Blonde. :) And she is smiling with me.
Weird I know.
I've always been. Can't help it.
CiaoCiao
-
Waow
Friday, 15 February 2008
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