Tomorrow is basically the last day of school.
12 years.
I can never put into words all the things that happened during those years.
5 different schools.
Hundreds of people.
couple of friends.
Various teachers...good ones and bad ones. Those who had their hearts at right places and those who will reborn as oak trees or something.
The hours I spent sitting in math classes chewing hair. The hours I ....uhhh
It's hard to remember. Mentally. Physically.
Hurts somewhere inside.
Not the fact that school is over. Nah.
The things that were bad, hurt. They will never stop hurting. They remind you that life is a bitch.
I..
Tomorrow.
Nah.
I dont know, it really is difficult to form sentences.
It really is.
How can you talk about...such an important period of your life...like its over. It cant be over.
What will I do now?
Is it real? Is it really so that I don't have to make tests in 8 different subjects and translate and retell and write and talk, everyday. Is it real? Can not be.
I'm used to studying every. single. evening.
I'm used to being nervous when I sleep. I'm used to feeling dumb. Im used to feeling tired. Im used to feeling that I have so many things that need to be done.
Those who say that highschool-days were the easiest, are fucking liars.
Also I dont have to sit in the same room with the people I never really.....no bonding. Whatsoever.
Over the last couple of months I've felt that hey...I actually don't mind those people. We have a calm class. Very calm.
But still, there have been moments when I've felt -shoot me in da liver please.
Then again, we've had tons of fun. Best jokes ever. Best. Still make me laugh when I think about some of them.
I wish I could say something...better. Something more beautiful and deep. Something meaningful.
But I guess it's like with my german classes.After 5 years of studying the teacher asked the 3 of us sitting there "What can you say when you look back. What do you think of the german classes you've had?"
We all sat silent. And then all of us mumbled: "sch�n"
It's the same now. I don't know what to say. I've really got nothing to say. What is there to say?
Was nice.
Yeah, was kinda okay.
Was nice.
This reminds me a song. Yes I know, you're all probably so surprised. :)
Anyway, it's Ratatat - Seventeen Years
and the lyrics, the only ones in this song, go like this:
I've been rapping for about 17 years, okay
I dont like my stuff anymore
I just take it from my head, you know
because i can do that
no disrespect but that's how I am
If you listen it from start to beginning 4:27 you should basically understand...that the tune doesnt have to change a lot...it has some variations...sometimes it can be a little faster..sometimes a bit slower....but it's still the same track...the same life. Playing through 12 years of your life.
Today my history teacher surprised me.
We talked about what we were gonna do after school. And she told me that...I seem like a very calm person and I look very faithworthy....trustable. In estonian it is "usaldusv��rne".
Can you believe it? It was a surprise for me, for sure. She said that people probably would like to tell me everything about themselves, because I look pleasant and reliable.
The funny thing is that with that specific teacher I always felt that she thinks Im a sneaky little bastard who doesnt care about her subject at all, trying to pass the tests easily.
And now she shocked me.
I like it. Really, when people tell me nice things, I wont forget. I'm one of those who really chooses who to speak to, carefully. I don't like to hang with people who I feel don't give me anything positive. I don't want to waste time. I don't like to talk shit.
We had to write things about every student in our class. I got my paper back and people wrote pretty weird stuff. One of the girls in my class who Ive been together for a long long time, wrote: "S is friends with those who deserve it"
At first I thought woah, have I been arguing with someone? But then I understood, no...I don't have to argue with anyone, I just dont waste time faking smiles and blabla-ing with every single person in the corridor.
I like this about myself that when I have a friend, then I always stay true to him or her. I don't shit people. I hate that. I love my friends and I tell them that all the time. They know they can rely on me. They know I love them. Because I do. And there is no faking.
They also know what I look like when I'm angry. And I'm angry when somebody has been bad with one of my friends.
I don't like faking. I'm too down to earth. Too stubborn.
I know I write a lot about myself, but this is MY blog. I can do that.
-
I've been rapping for 12 years
Monday, 21 April 2008
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